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Tramping NZ
2023Haiku and Limerick Competition
by Harry Smith
2023 Tramping NZ calendars now available at Bivouac Outdoor, Mercer Street
$20 (cash only please)
Chapter 4
Competition rules
All entries should be posted as comments to this forum post, so that everybody can read and enjoy them. Make sure to mention which month’s photo they refer to.
You can enter as many limericks and haikus for as many of the monthly photos as you want.
Entries close in mid-November and the winners will be announced at the beginning of December.
The competition will be judged by Tony and Harry.
The judges will take into account the following factors (among others) in making their decision
– relevance to the photo
– rhythm and rhyme (for a limerick)
– rhythm, syllable count, concision, and precision (for a haiku)
– humour, wit, cleverness, irony, sarcasm, etc (for a limerick)
– mood, atmosphere, imagery, reflectiveness, and thoughtfulness (for a haiku).Bribes to the judges are permitted, and indeed encouraged, especially if they consist of money, tramping gear, camera gear, alcohol, or chocolate. There is no guarantee that they will have any influence on the judges’ decision, but it’s worth a try!
The judges’ decision will be final, and no correspondence will be entered into (except if accompanied by a bribe, as described above).
The First Place and Second Place winners will each receive a free copy of the calendar. These will look good proudly hanging on your wall.
Other people can of course purchase copies of the calendar from Bivouac in Mercer Street, for $20 (cash only please). They will of course make excellent Christmas presents.
The end.Calendar photos
January 
February 
March 
April 
May 
June 
July 
August 
September 
October 
November 
December
Calendar photos printed size 36 cm x 24 cm. A preview copy of the whole calendar is available at:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/16kSCW4aSZ-qqILOjTgBI0ZcyAMkbgDaB?usp=sharing -
Mephistopheles
You do not love the daylight –
Now darkness threatens.My entry for July photo.
Laramie (not yet a WTMC member) -
Here’s my next one – for the August calendar photo of Taranaki Maunga:
There was a young tramper named Scott
Who thought he was really sh*t hot
But one day he tried
To climb the south-facing side
And he suddenly found that he’s not. -
In case anybody is wondering about Laramie’s reference to Mephistopheles, that’s the name of the peak which the July photo was taken from. You can see the labels of the photos by clicking on the link to the preview copy of the calendar above.
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And one for the February calendar photo:
To get your name in this calendar blog
You should climb to the top of Magog
Then you’ll be the top dog
And can start your own vlog
But to get there will be a slog thru the bog.By Laramie.
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I keep dreaming about these damn limericks, and prob will until I’ve done one for every photo! So now here’s one for the September Winchcombe Biv.
The door to the biv is so small
Or maybe the tramper’s too tall
So they won’t get inside
However they tried
Until they’re down on all fours and crawl.Now I’m trying not to think of the next one which only makes me think about the next one.
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To get your name in this calendar blog
You should climb to the top of Magog
Then you’ll be the top dog
And can start your own vlog
But to get there will be a slog thru the bog.I protest! This is a clear case of plagiarism from my comment on the Gog and Magog story earlier in this forum! There I wrote:
“An interesting log of a slog through the bog to climb Gog and Magog. I’m agog.” The similarity is unmistakable! My lawyer will be in touch!But anyway, I reckon this is better:
Stewart Island has Gog and Magog.
A trip there can be quite a slog.
There’s a bog and a bog
and a bog and a bog
and a bog and a bog and a bog. -
Dear Mr Trogg
With all due respect, anyone with a basic understanding of statistics would realise that there are limited grammatical combinations of ‘bog, Magog, agog and slog’ that are available for the construction of a limerick. Your claim is not plagiarism, but is rather an example of ‘cum hoc ergo propter hoc’, (i.e. a questionable-cause logical fallacy). No court would uphold your protest. So don’t bother with the lawyers.
Kind Regards
Laramie Penstock, Colonel WAAF (retd) -
Rather than compose a limerick for each of the photos I’m going to do one for the whole lot. So here goes:
Tony’s photos of grand mountain views
Are sure to cure week-a-day blues
So go get one now
Bivouac shows you how
For 20 quid you’ve got nowt you can lose.Austin
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Nice one Mr Healey Guv. I reck’n that there lim’rk’s real quiche Lorraine. And I couldn’t ‘elp noticing that “quid”. You ain’t from the East End are you Guv? Or maybe up north somewhere wiv that “nowt”? Anyway, ‘ow do ya like smashin’ up vases? I reck’n Tony might be able to find a job for you in his organization if you’re interested.
An’ that reminds me. I’ve come up wiv one of them ‘aiku things meself. It’s about Mr Gazley’s pretty calendar and it goes like this:
A nice calendar –
you can put it on the wall
where them vases was. -
Hi Tony and Harry, here’s an entry for the May photo of the Rangipo Desert
In this strange desert
parched dunes look with envy at
Ruapehu’s snowsLance
p.s. Misunderstood Cockney Heavy is great!
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Why, thank you very much, Lance. That’s very kind of you – it’s real quiche Lorraine. An’ I reck’n that there ‘aiku of yours is real nice. Though I can’t ‘elp noticing that contrary to wot you say in the last line, there ain’t too much actual snow on that there mountain in that photo for May, but I guess that’s what they call Poetic Lie.
You know wot, Squire? Wiv nice compliments like that, I reck’n you could actually win that free calendar in this here contest. I’ll just ‘ave a word wiv Mr Gazley an’ see wot we can do. Of course, it might ‘elp your chances if you slip us a nice bribe or two, like it says in them rules up above.
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Give me the desert;
away from the ski bunnies
it’s a trampers’ land.- Rangipo Red -
A landscape of ash
harsh and beautifully wild.
Ephemerally.Marsha.
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No crowded ski-fields –
the wild side of the mountain
is untamed country -
When doors are stuck shut
Sarah does not wait about-
kick kick kick kick kick -
Winter snows arrive –
trampers head to cosy huts
high in the mountains -
That’s a very nice haiku from Mary. It shows all the characteristics of a classical haiku – there are three lines with a 5,7,5 structure, it’s nice and concise, there’s a kigo or “season word” (winter) and a kireji or “cut” (where the hyphen is), and there’s possibly even a slight hint of a symbolic meaning. In fact, it reminds me of the following haiku from the great Japanese haiku master Matsuo Bashō (1644 – 1694):
Autumn approaches –
heart dreams
of four-mat roomsSo it’s an excellent entry. Well done, Mary. But there’s still lots of time for other people to get entries in before the contest closes next month. There are still several photos that we haven’t had any entries at all for yet!
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Pah! I spit on thee,
puny pip-squeak Rangipo,
thou pretend desert!The Sahara
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But you don’t have mates
Warriors who rule with fear
Fire smoke and brimstone. -
Sahara Desert,
you’re very rude and nasty,
and quite ill-mannered. -
Here’s a haiku about the December photo (Above Douglas River Westland National Park)
Sunny camp today –
creeping bands of cloud conceal
tomorrow’s valleys -
To follow on from Mary’s haiku, here is another one about the December photo:
High mountain campsite –
floating magic carpet ride
above cotton clouds -
And here’s another one about the December photo
Up high I wonder
what it’s like in the valley –
and vice versa. -
This is a limerick about the November photo of Okarito Lagoon
Okarito Lagoon on the Coast
has the kotuku as its proud boast.
I’m sure Tony’s rearin’
to bag a white heron
(for a photograph, not for a roast!) -
That’s a nice limerick from Mark – we haven’t had one for a while.
This competition will be closing soon, so if you’ve got any last-minute entries, get them in in the next few days. Just think – you could be the proud winner of one of Tony’s superb calendars – a perfect Christmas present!
Harry
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Another one for the November photo
Okarito Lagoon with a boat
aground on the sand, not afloat.
Tony’s off in a clearin’
to photo a heron –
a good shot would float Tony’s boat! -
Calm days and blue skies –
soon they will have flown away
like the white heron -
This is for the January photo
Brooding volcanoes
rear up shoulder to shoulder –
flesh wounds on the earth. -
My brother Lance sent in a Haiku for the January 2023 Tramping NZ Calendar (which I have just bought a copy at Bivouac for $20 cash) and I thought I would respond with one of my own. But because I couldn’t write a Haiku to save myself I got ChatGBT to do one for me:
Majestic volcanoes
Side by side, in silence
Nature’s power reigns.Not too shabby. And it also wrote a limerick for the December photo:
Two campers on a mountain height,
Watched the sunset in its full might,
With the view so clear and bright,
They felt a sense of delight,
As they watched day turn into night.Pity I’m a bit late for any prizes – no-one would have needed to know a heap of dumb computer chips did the job and not me.
Holly
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Well, I can truly say with all my might
that that “limerick” gave me a terrible fright.
I think even if ChatGPT had the power of kryptonite
it would never succeed in being completely erudite.
“Dumb computer chips” doesn’t even begin to describe it – it feels like something beamed down from an alien telecommunications satellite.
I think I can truly say that I would never have awarded it a prize in the competition even if I had been completely inebriated, tipsy, tanked, hammered, plastered, pissed, sloshed, shickered, sozzled, stewed, rat-arsed, wasted, or tight.
While perhaps not actually something William McGonnagall might write,
it’s very greeting-card-lite.
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